Linda Gould of Newark is a death doula, a celebrant and a natural burial advocate.
Across the country, baby boomers, about 73 million of them, are approaching the next stage of their lives: the end. The demographic shift is so large that experts often refer to it as the “silver tsunami.” And, if history is any guide, boomers will not face death like their parents did.
Boomers made cremation the majority choice nationwide, forcing funeral homes to purchase crematoriums and cemeteries to build columbaria. Now, they are demanding broader changes.
Many spent their lives as environmentalists and want sustainable options: green burials, human composting, water cremation (instead of flame cremation) and conservation cemeteries — all of which return the body to the Earth without embalming or concrete vaults, while supporting land conservation and the restoration of native habitats. They don’t see death as an industrial process but as part of a natural cycle.
Delaware has already felt this shift.
In recent years, legislators addressed the calls of constituents by legalizing medical aid in dying and natural organic reduction, colloquially known as human composting. These changes took time, roughly a decade in the case of medical aid in dying. That meant that some Delawareans, including the two for whom the legislation is named, died without agency.
Delay can mean unnecessary suffering — for the individual, families, the community and the state — especially when it comes to end-of-life choices.
Why? Because, by 2030, all baby boomers will be 65 or older. Delaware’s existing population is already aging, but state projections expect the 85-plus population to more than double and the population of those over 65 to increase by more than 41%.
Healthcare professionals and legislators are working to address care and aging. But we also know that death comes for us all eventually, and Delaware is approaching a period in the 2030s and 2040s when annual deaths could rise dramatically, as the baby boomer generation moves into advanced age.
Yet, as a nation, we are reluctant to talk about death. In Delaware, people like me — death doulas and funeral planners — are trying to help Delawareans prepare for the inevitable.
We plan for retirement. We prepare wills, organize medical care, plan for long-term care and consider how to maintain independence as we age. But, too often, we stop short of the final, inevitable question: How do we want to die?
That silence, like delay, has consequences.
As a death doula, I hear people voice their desire for options that reflect their values: environmental sustainability, personal autonomy, spiritual meaning or simply dignity and clarity. But it’s not just me.
Cemeteries, funeral directors and researchers across the country have reported growing interest in green funerals and memorials that are personal, natural and aligned with people’s values. Many of those options, though, are unavailable in Delaware. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone say they just want to be a tree, I would have enough money to open my own conservation cemetery. But Delawareans who want a true natural burial ground, where remains can be returned to nature to feed growth, are choosing Laurel Hill in Philadelphia until one is available in Delaware.
Our deceased pets can undergo the gentle treatment of water cremation, but our human loved ones cannot. Human composting is legal here but not really accessible.
It is right to devote energy, innovation and care to helping people live longer. But, as a state that is both growing and aging, Delawareans have an opportunity to normalize conversations about death as part of life. We can ensure that evolving end-of-life options are not just legal but accessible. And we can build systems that reflect not only how we want to live but how we want to die.
Talk to your family about your wishes, explain to your funeral director and cemetery owner what you want and contact your legislator about making sustainable options available in Delaware. If the systems and laws haven’t caught up to public demand, people will be unable to die how they wish and to have their remains cared for in accordance with their principles.
That’s no way to end your days.
Reader reactions, pro or con, are welcomed at civiltalk@iniusa.org.
