Commentary: Remembering both the responsibility and the joy of motherhood

Though tired to the bone, she got up at night to care for us; though faced with demands and commitments from many sides, she put us first, her top priority; though worried about one thing or another, she put on a cheerful face for us, too little to be burdened with the difficulties that are sure to come as part of life.”

As another Mother’s Day arrives, I have been thinking: “Really, what is a mother? What are all the things that are part of being a mother?”

My first thought was that it starts with the woman who carried each of us in her womb, the woman who allowed each of us to “live and grow” within her and from her nourishment. And the woman who, when we came out into the world, cared for us (often at great sacrifice) in a way that supported our continued good growth and development.

Though tired to the bone, she got up at night to care for us; though faced with demands and commitments from many sides, she put us first, her top priority; though worried about one thing or another, she put on a cheerful face for us, too little to be burdened with the difficulties that are sure to come as part of life.

How do I know this? Because I had a mother like that and because I am a mother, too. I know about “tired to the bone”; I know about “no time to even get to the restroom”; I know about faith and prayer to be a guide and support.

When my first child came at age 35 (the fourth, when I was 40), I actually had no idea what to do — I didn’t even have experience changing a diaper! But somehow, from somewhere, I came into possession of a book titled, “How to Raise a Brighter Child,” and that became a guide, starting with the truth that, for a child, “everything is a learning experience.” (And that includes learning from what they see and hear us say and do.)

So early in the morning, before the hot, hot Texas heat became full force, I’d load my four children in the car and head to the grocery store. There, I would talk about what we saw. I don’t recall exactly what I said so long ago, but it would have been things like:

• In the produce area — “Oh, look at this beautiful, bright-red thing. It’s called a red pepper! That would be good to put in our salad. And this one is nice and hard, not wrinkled, spotted or soft like it’s about to spoil.”
• In the grocery aisle — “Oh, please don’t touch the merchandise. It’s not ours, and instead of that bag of candy, let’s get some healthy ingredients, and I’ll make you a nice dessert at home. Would you like something with pumpkin or with bananas or strawberries?”

One day, my “talking that teaches” apparently annoyed another shopper, who came up to me and somewhat angrily said, “What’s all the yakking?”

Well, that “yakking” was “teaching and learning,” and now that I’m 79 and a grandmother, I’ve learned more myself, so I would have said things like:

• “I need a can of pinto beans to put in my soup; let’s see what the label on the can says. I just want ‘pinto beans and water.’ Nothing else, no harmful preservatives or artificial colors or flavors.”
• “What should we get to take to the Food Bank to help those who don’t have enough good things to eat? What about a can of healthy soup? Or should we get a box of healthy cereal? Or a can of chicken?”

Yes, being a mother is a huge responsibility on the one hand, as we try our best to raise happy, healthy, responsible and caring children. (For “healthy,” I like Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s book, “Disease-Proof Your Child: Feeding Kids Right.”)

It’s a lifetime of sacrifice to put that life before your own, a lifetime of being there to guide, support and help. And it doesn’t stop when the children grow up and leave home; it continues as long as we mothers live.

Happy, happy Mother’s Day to all the moms (and grandmothers and other caregivers) out there who have experienced both this responsibility and this joy. And happy Father’s Day (coming next) to all the fathers (and grandfathers and other caregivers) who have likewise lived both this responsibility and this joy.

Karen Smiga is a resident of Frederica.