By Tim Mastro

Delawareans came together virtually Monday night to observe a “Night of Hope and Healing” to remember those they lost during the COVID-19 pandemic.

The event was hosted by the National Alliance on Mental Illness in Delaware and closed with a candlelight vigil as a slideshow played of loved ones who died due to the pandemic. Deacon Susan Phillips led the session in a prayer.

NAMI Delaware advancement manager Samantha Havens began the virtual event by sharing her own story. Her father died from COVID-19 complications on April 9, 2020, when she was a senior a the University of Delaware.

“I never expected to hear my mom tell me my dad was gone,” Ms. Havens said. “Losing my dad to COVID came with a lot of denial. It was easy to live in my bubble of denial because I couldn’t see family members and mourn with them. When it finally sank in, I didn’t want to believe it was COVID because that brought about so many more emotions, especially anger, then came confusion.”

“How could my perfectly healthy, 56-year-old dad die from COVID when other people his age barely got symptoms,” she added. “I had so many questions and I spent hours trying to find answers. The hard part was I couldn’t find any answers. I had to sit in the unknown for a while and that made me really anxious.”

Ms. Havens said dealing with the grief of her dad’s death was a long process but therapy and time has helped.

“Grief will never end,” she said. “It’s not something we can push to get past. It’s not something you complete, but rather you endure. Instead of associating grief with being negative, I’ve learned to think of it as the amount of grief we have is a reflection of the amount of love we have. I never want to forget how much I love my dad and all the memories we made. It’s OK to feel joy and grief together.”

Dr. Keith Brown of Magellan Healthcare was another guest and spoke of ways to heal from the grief caused by loss, which isn’t limited to the loss of a love one during the pandemic — some have lost jobs, housing and other things, he said.

Dr. Brown said there are numerous recovery groups where individuals can go through their grief together. Mental health doctors also recommend journaling as a way to overcome grief.

“Understand it is a natural process and it’s part of healing,” Dr. Brown said. “Do not blame yourself for feeling overwhelmed and not able to function by grief. It is a normal part of humanity to cope with loss through pain, sadness and a slow recovery. Although grief never goes away completely, people do learn to function and leave productive lives.”

It is important, Dr. Brown said, to recognize when grief becomes too much and may start to turn to depression, suicidal thoughts or drug use. He encourage individuals that it is OK to ask for help in these situations.

The Suicide Prevention Hotline is reachable at 800-273-8255 while the Crisis Textline has 24-hour crisis counseling seven days a week for free by texting HELLO to 741741.

Ms. Havens provided several other resources such as Griefshare — “a friendly, caring group of people who will walk alongside you through one of life’s most difficult experiences.”

To find a GriefShare support group or event nearby, visit here.

Another 24-hour, seven-day a week crisis line is Contact Lifeline, which also offers non-crisis emotional support, or if callers just need help getting through the day. It is available here.