By Mike Finney

DOVER — Memorial Day is recognized every day that the Fisher House for Families of the Fallen at Dover Air Force Base is open.

Thankfully, it will be closed Monday.

That’s because the facility is where Gold Star families are housed when their fallen loved ones return to the United States for their dignified transfers.

A total of 3,700 families have used the Fisher House since it opened in 2010, providing temporary accommodations for those who come to accept their relatives’ remains from DAFB’s military mortuary.

But Kenneth “Ken” Fisher, the chairman and CEO of the Fisher House Foundation, would be perfectly fine if there was never any activity there.

“I would be very pleased,” he said. “You know, it’s always kind of bittersweet because we build these houses praying that they never have to be used, and obviously, it’s not realistic. The houses are being used.

“The Dover house, because of the significance of that house, if that house is empty, it’s a good thing.”

There have been more than 90 comfort homes built by the Fisher House Foundation at military posts and Veterans Affairs facilities worldwide, so families can stay free while a loved one is hospitalized nearby.

However, Dover’s is different because it is the only one that honors the ultimate sacrifice of those who wear the uniform for the United States.

“Dover is unique because one of the things that we found out was that, before the Fisher House was built, if a family could get to Dover (for a dignified transfer), they’d go to the motel, and that would be it,” Mr. Fisher said.

“But now, if the family can get there, they cannot only use the Fisher House, but we built a nondenominational kind of a spiritual center right across the street, where they could go and pray and meditate, do the things that families needed to do. It’s unique in so many ways, but the less it’s used, the better I’ll feel.”

Craig and Toni Gross are Gold Star parents who got the chilling news that they had lost their son, Army Cpl. Frank Gross, in July 2011.

Mr. Gross said he and his wife grew up in military families but weren’t familiar with what happens when a soldier is killed in action.

“You know, we’ve seen the movies of the two soldiers coming up the sidewalk and knocking on the front door and that type of scenario and everything, but we just weren’t prepared for the overwhelming grief that we were going to experience and were experiencing,” he said.

The hours before arriving at DAFB were a blur, filled with questions and sadness, he said. The couple and their daughter had learned that Cpl. Gross — their only son and brother — had been killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan.

He was only 25 and just a few weeks into his deployment.

“I can remember vividly, just after we got settled (at Fisher House), Toni and I went out and looked around the property a little bit, and they have the chapel across the street and a little prayer garden, and we went over there and spent quite a bit of time over there,” Mr. Gross said.

“While I never got rid of the sadness that I was going through, it helped me to navigate what was going to happen the next few hours because we found out that our son’s remains were going to be coming back at approximately 1 o’clock in the morning.”

Ms. Gross, who, on the day after learning of Frank’s death, traveled from Oldsmar, Florida, to DAFB, expected to be staying at a local motel upon arrival.

But she received a surprise and a little comfort when the family was informed they would be receiving complimentary accommodations at the Fisher House, just across the street from the base’s runway.

“It was a wonderfully comforting experience, and everything we could possibly think of — all of our needs, food, everything — was taken care of,” she said. “We were able to spend time focusing on why we were there, which was grieving the loss of our son.

“I think the Fisher House at Dover did more than just provide lodging. It’s important that these families who have made the ultimate sacrifice understand that there are Americans that are very grateful.”

In fact, she was so appreciative to the Dover Fisher House that she now volunteers regularly at a Fisher House in Florida.

A look inside a hallowed complex

The Fisher House at Dover — the 50th building in the Fisher family of homes — is the only one of its kind, designed for families of the fallen and managed exclusively by uniformed personnel.

More than 9,000 family members and their accompanying military support staff have passed through since it opened in December 2010.

The 8,462-square-foot house is equipped with nine suites that include private, handicapped-accessible bathrooms and common areas with kitchens and large communal dining and family rooms.

The average length of stay is 24-48 hours, with a typical family of six to 10.

USO Delaware provides fresh and frozen meals, drinks and snacks to make a stay at the Fisher House as comfortable as possible.

Master Sgt. Kayla Hemmesch serves as the manager of Dover’s facility and is its only full-time worker. There is also a staff of five to six deployers that work on a six- to seven-month rotation.

“We’re always prepared to support whenever necessary,” she said. “I’ve had the chance to work at the Fisher House, and that was my first experience with dealing with families and things like that. ... The toughest part of the job is seeing children out there. Of course, that’s never easy.

“But sometimes, weirdly, children are very resilient. And they really kind of bring, like, a different type of atmosphere to the situation.”

Staff members have to be flexible with every situation because each one is different.

For example, one family with small children stayed at the Fisher House over Halloween, and staff bought costumes and took them trick-or-treating.

There was another time when staffers cooked a traditional holiday dinner for a family receiving their loved one’s body at Christmas.

Mr. Gross noted the organization and support they were offered right off the bat.

“We had no idea what the Fisher House was all about, and we found out quickly once we got to the Fisher House,” he said. “We were greeted by the airmen from the Air Force there that ran the show. They were very gracious. They calmed all of our fears and just made us feel right at home right from the very beginning.

“It’s a beautiful facility. We just tried to settle in as best as we could under the circumstances. So it’s disarming in a good way.”

Another part of DAFB’s Fisher House is a 1,714-square-foot Meditation Pavilion, where families can gather to pray and reflect during their stays.

The complex also includes the Center for Families of the Fallen, a 6,339-square-foot renovated building that includes segregated areas for visitors to use for privacy, as well as a cafe and a meditation room.

It also has baby-changing stations in both restrooms, a private nursing area in the women’s restroom and a children’s activity room with a chalkboard wall, games and toys, plus a separate spot with TVs and gaming systems.

Sgt. Hemmesch said military personnel keep up the gardens, clean the house and make sure groceries are stocked each day.

She enjoys it when the house is lonely and quiet.

“We’re glad to have an empty house, and we want no one to come to our house,” she said. “However, if it were to happen, then we’re there to support them with whatever they may need.”

Fisher’s family legacy

The Fisher House Foundation was started by Mr. Fisher’s late great-uncle, Zach Fisher, in 1990.

“When Zach did this, we then did not understand in 1990 (that) this was going to be the program that was going to be what it was,” Mr. Fisher said. “We figured that this was a couple of houses being built into major medical facilities for the Department of Defense.”

Mr. Fisher, whose 87-year-old father served in the Korean War, now calls the houses his “passion,” adding that he is honored to serve as a leader of the Fisher House Foundation.

In this role, he carries on a family legacy and oversees 92 Fisher Houses throughout the United States, the United Kingdom and Germany.

The foundation has provided more than 10 million nights of lodging for military families, and on any given night, more than 1,300 groups are sleeping at a Fisher House.

At DAFB, the Fisher House Foundation has made a real difference over the past 12 years.

“You know, when it came to building Dover, we were made aware of the fact that families who make sacrifices bear their burdens that the average American doesn’t even know about,” Mr. Fisher said.

“When they got that call and had to go to Dover, if they could get there, to witness that dignified transfer — and then it could be in all hours of the night to have to do something unthinkable and then drive to a cheap motel. … Well, we just didn’t feel (that) was worthy of the sacrifice that they made.”

He said he has never personally attended a dignified transfer at Dover, noting that is more appropriate for the president and the secretary of defense.

With Memorial Day approaching, he’s glad the Fisher House at DAFB is empty.

“The house at Dover is particularly relevant as we approach Memorial Day,” Mr. Fisher said. “In the end, we can never ever forget what has been done, what has been given to us, this freedom. That what we hold most dear above everything else, that came at a cost.”