For a couple of weeks now, I have been reflecting on my experiences in this country as an Asian American — the discriminations I faced, the support and friendship that I received, why I reacted the way I did and how these touch points in my life influenced who I am today.
When I first came to America, I was greeted by one of my husband’s relatives with an unwelcome request — she advised him to leave me. No reason given. It was simply a coercive, surprising comment from someone I had not even met. I never, ever thought of myself as unworthy, so I just dismissed her ridiculous claim. Despite the poverty of her expectations, I remained unflappable and was shielded by my belief in my own uniqueness and self-worth. I simply ignored her, until later on, she came around and decided to accept me for who I am.
In the early 1970s, my husband and I bought a house at a subdivision west of Dover, Delaware. Apparently, the neighbors were informally surveyed if they wouldn’t mind having an “educated Asian” move into their neighborhood. My most disturbing experience as an immigrant occurred in this neighborhood. A neighbor started getting uncomfortable with my presence in the same contiguous space. There was an incident when I didn’t comply with her request, and she got irritated and barked at me “to get back where I came from!” I didn’t want to further exacerbate the situation, so I simply stared sharply at her and left. It was when she started bullying my son and attempted to run us over while we were doing our walks that I fought back and took her to court. The anger and frustration that radiated through my soul came cascading back through time and space. The singular act of racism and inhumanity enraged me. We won the case, and she was fined and ordered to stay away from us. I always look for light in the darkness, and this experience taught me how to better value my heritage, my culture, my family and myself.
Life in the United States was smooth sailing from that point on. I encountered little, subtle and annoying acts of racism and prejudice, which I tried to neutralize with humor, laughter and pathos. In my neighborhood, most of my experiences were loving and supportive. After my husband died, two of my neighbors installed our first automatic garage door opener. When I had surgery, a kind neighbor brought me lunch for a week or so. A neighbor who became a friend edited one of my books, despite being terminally ill with cancer. Another neighbor-friend taught me how to appreciate the beauty of nature and went on relaxing walks with me through the lush vegetation of our slice of paradise. Recently, a group of neighbors cleared my driveway of 10 inches of snow, and they periodically check on how I am doing and to see if I need any food or supplies from the supermarket. I have been the beneficiary of stunning acts of kindness and love in this sweet spot.
I realize that many Asian Americans have not had the same positive experiences that I have been the recipient of and that they have gone through differential treatment, especially during challenging times. Recently, they have been the victims of intolerable acts of violence and oppression.
Core problems
First and foremost, it’s important to identify what the core problems are. In our haste to address the problems, we fail to identify the nature and essence of the problems.
The model minority label sounds positive and endearing on the surface. There is a tacit assumption among members of the dominant society that Asian Americans are hardworking, law-abiding, compliant and silent. Nice compliment, but the intention is not at all pure or unselfish — it’s a powerful positive reinforcement to keep the captive minority in chains, while creating conflict and negative competition among minorities. Lastly, it is a clever strategy of maintaining order, discipline and dominance.
Possible solutions
We must remember that racism is a systemic problem that requires a systemic solution — a planned, intentional and strategic solution that demands the continuing commitment of both citizens and leaders. We need to find light in the darkness through collaboration with other oppressed minorities; engage the dominant society in crucial conversations (after all, they are the gatekeepers who can open the golden doors for us); push for inclusion instead of exclusion; and push for action-oriented social justice legislation.
Inclusion of Asian American history and culture as a required subject in schools might sound like a simple and insignificant solution to a complex problem, but its benefits are immeasurable. Consider the positive effects of learning and the resulting behavioral change among children and young adults when exposed to the history and cultural heritage of their classmates — whose roots and heritage have been a blank slate to them. Research validates the robust formation of new neurons, which occurs at a higher rate in early years and appears to continue throughout adulthood, even in old age. Formation of new neurons in the hippocampus affects learning and memory. Neurogenesis, the process of forming new neurons, can greatly influence the speed of learning and memory retrieval. Imagine the vast galaxy of neurons forming that could allow people to learn new, credible information, capable of changing minds and modifying behavior.
Parting words
Hate against Asians is not simply a hypothetical and esoteric phenomenon. To fully understand and appreciate the deep impact of discrimination against Asians on the individual —the person — we have to consider not only her race but also her gender, her economic status, her level of education, her social class and other identifiers. By factoring in the interconnected nature of racism, we can better grasp the uniqueness, the visceral pain and the devastating effects of xenophobic violence. Poet Ijeoma Umebinyuo captured the survival need to belong in these deeply moving lines:
“So, here you are
too foreign for home
too foreign for here.
Never enough for both.”
Whatever positive action we choose to take might seem like an inconsequential spit in the ocean of hatred, but it’s still a forward movement that might neutralize the racial justice ecosystem. Even the slightest movement of a pebble can create a seismic impact on the landscape. Let’s forge ahead and create positive change, much like the loving kindness that I continue to experience in my own neighborhood.
Namaste!
Dr. Theresa del Tufo is an organizational consultant and author. Her fifth book, “Women Powered: A New Paradigm of Influence and Equity,” is now available. She has been a resident of Dover for more than 50 years.